> be Asian salesman

> got the meeting. Big Tycoon, known for being "generous" (he is thrifty af)

> research his golf handicap, his favorite brand of bottled water, his charity donations (all tax write-offs).

> prepare my most respectful 45 degree kowtow bow.

> "Mr. Chairman, an honor to be in your esteemed presence!"

> he smiles. Hope he doesn't see my $$ signs in my eyes.

> pitch the "pixie dust."

> "Our AI will transform your empire, 10x ROI, autonomous, self-healing! Does your laundry too!"

> he pretends to be intrigued. Asks smart questions I can't answer.

> MASAKA?!

> Shikashi my smile never falters. My confidence is the product.

> LOI signed. Big numbers. My bonus is secured.

> run to the dev team.

> "Boys, big win! Promised the Tycoon a quantum-entangled AI by next month!"

> mfw they look at me like I've grown another head.

> offload. Done. Time for a new suit and a business lunch.

> TFW business is so IZI

> be Asian Tycoon.

> *ahh another eager salesman. Young, hungry, a bit too shiny.

> he bows. His head lower than his butt.

> *Good. I love manners, honor, respect.

> he pitches his "AI pixie dust." Heard it all before.

> enjoy the free Michelin-star lunch. Another business trip, first class, on their dime. "To discuss details."

> *pretend to sign the LOI.

> LMFAO it means nothing until the final contract. Keeps them motivated.

> have my own engineers sit in on their "architecture review" meetings.

> "Observe their data pipeline. What ML models they using? How they handle scaling?"

> LMFAO free R&D for my team. Steal their ideas, improve on them.

> they deliver a prototype. Meh. Not great, not terrible.

> payment due? Haiyaa, "minor discrepancies." "Incorrect PO number." "Missing approval signatures."

> send them on a bureaucratic scavenger hunt -- this is how you create employment

> "Need to resubmit invoices with 3 different departmental approvals, cross-referenced with quarterly budget projections from 2019."

> founder starts calling, desperate.

> "We need liquidity, Big Chairman!"

> *Good good. Let him sweat. Let his startup starve.

> All according to keikaku.

> final offer: 10% of the original. "Market conditions changed. Take it or leave it."

> he'll take it. Always do.

> be Asian dev.

> salesman bursts in, "We got the Tycoon contract! They want a full-stack, predictive, self-learning AI platform by next quarter!"

> MFW I'm on intern wages, but sales promised them features that don't even exist.

> "It's impossible"

> BAKAYARO.mp3, the salesman said calmly.

> "Impossible is just a word, Dev! Make it happen!" he chirps while playing Honkai Star Rail.

> long nights. Longer weekends. Pizza mozzarella 5th day in a row.

> project manager keeps asking why the "Autonomous Decision-Module" isn't working.

> haiyaa because we had to ditch it to make the basic reporting function work

> finally delivered something. Clunky. Buggy. But it moves.

> Salesman: "autistic_screech.mp3."

> "Big Tycoon isn't happy! You guys undersold our capabilities!"

> mfw he oversold a donkey as a unicorn.

> morale plummets. Everyone's burning out.

> founder whispers. "Payment delays." "Budget cuts."

> my friend, lead architect, quits.

> HR cat lady getting more Zoom calls than usual.

> later, hear the Tycoon is boasting about his "new, in-house AI initiative" on RedNote

> TFW it's our code. Our stolen ideas. Our burnout.

> and now we're unemployed and homeless.

> be me, Asian salesman.

> project kinda fizzled. Not my fault. Its the Devs who gooning too much to Grok Ani.

> Tycoon still got me something, enough to show off.

> **COPE**: He'll throw me another bone eventually

> I keep my bonus. New car paid for. Appearance maintained.

> everyone in the company glares at me.

> Haiyaa who cares? They are just bitter.

> TFW im just paid enough to keep the shiny car to showoff to the next tycoon.

> be me, Asian Tycoon

> the product is mediocre, but good enough to claim credit to show off to my politic friends

> the startup founder? Barely survived. Maybe next time he'll learn

> that salesman is entertaining, useful tool. I'll call him again.

> Hohohohoho.mp3

> my competitor's offering now looks overpriced compared to my "innovative solution."

> next cheap contract secured

> TFW I'm rich and i'm still getting free lunches from salesman.

> TFW founders still kowtow because they need my grace to get out of poverty.

> TFW hardworking devs now work for me at intern wages because their employer went bankrupt.

> TFW I spend nothing, pays as slow as possible, DDoS founders with bureaucracy, and I'm still rich

> Business is izi AF.